Getting To Know You

     In elementary school you knew your best friend because she was the one who knew your favorite color and favorite Disney princess. She would spend the night and you would stay up until, I know it's crazy, MIDNIGHT, giggling over the fact that you were still awake.

Honestly, I couldn't name one of
the backstreet boys, then or now.
I am so un-cool.

    In junior high it was the girl who knew which of the backstreet boys you thought was the cutest and that you wanted to be a veterinarian when you grew up. Slumber parties were still exciting but now you painted nails and talked about when your mom had said that you could start wearing make up. MASH was the name of the game and you kept hoping that if you stopped the circle just in time you could get it all, the mansion and the man of your dreams.

Summer daze

     In high school she is the one who knew what band you were into and that you wanted a pair of jncos for your birthday more than anything else in the world. You would never let a boy come between you and you spent everyday of the summer together.

Don't worry mom and dad. I've got
it all planned out. What could go wrong?

 


      In college is was the girl who knew that you were re-thinking your major but didn't know how you were going to tell your parents and that you refused to get married before you graduated and wouldn't even think of having kids until after med school, or at least your masters program. She made the finals week caffeine runs and the post gym class ER visits by your side and told you to get a grip when you moaned that you were sure that you were going to die unmarried and alone.

You tell me now you don't
like the name Conrad?!!

     Post-college it was the girl, soon to be your bridesmaid, who knew that your teaching career wasn't quite all you had dreamed it would be, that you still really loved it deep down inside somewhere, and what names you had picked out for your future (very future) children. You would call each other after a hard day at work and, if you were feeling crazy, head out to dinner and a movie, even on a work night. You would spend your time swapping work related horror stories and dreaming about the houses that you were going to buy someday.

     But now, when so many of my best friends have become moms the things we know about one another are so far from where we started that it is a bit baffling to think of the scope of it.
What do I know about my best friends that is so vastly changed? Here is a short list of things I know now that I wasn't aware existed to know about somebody five to ten years ago:

Do you see that one child that
gave everyone the baby fever?
That's mine.
Kid count- 1

    Did they deliver naturally, at home, or in a hospital with an epidural and/or a c-section? Do they spank, do time out, co-sleep, attachment parent, or 'cry it out'? Do they do cloth or disposable diapers, and where do they fall on the buying organically/humane spectrum. And when we all get together we discuss who is sleeping through the night, who is not, and the latest attempts at potty training as well as exchanging our worst diaper/vomit stories, each one more terrible than the last.

We make mom-ing look good!
Kid count- 5 (baby fever jump)

     And do not for one moment think that these are not subjects that are as emotionally charged as the best Disney princess issue or that the winner of the "I got less sleep than you for longer" contest has any fewer bragging rights than the owner of those new jncos. The subjects may change but, in truth, the people don't, which is why, after all these years, you still keep them around. And, seriously, every mom needs someone to tell their gross out stories to, preferable over a meal, and only in part to make all the husbands cringe and vacate the room.

They continue to multiply!
Kid count- 8 (1 not pictured)
Current count- 12 and 1 on deck

     Besides, you get extra points for the number of husbands that gag as they run.

Triple the Children, Triple the Gear?

     I made a registry for this baby. It sounds greedy and like I am expecting something to even say it. It was not because I expect a shower, or for anyone to ever even look at it. It was purely an exercise designed to organize my thoughts on what we really "need" (this is a strong word for our position on baby things) and to remind myself what we already have from our previous children.
     So here is the thing about the baby things on my "need" list. I have had a child in the last two years so I should have all the normal things you use day to day for a baby. Right? But there are two catches to that way of thinking as I see it:
          1. I had a girl, and while I kept it neutral some things like the clothes, pacifiers, and blankets really don't translate well if they survive at all. To put it bluntly, I don't want my baby boy in a pink a blanket, wearing a purple onsie, sucking on a pink pacifier, and under a pink floral nursing cover. I know it is shocking and sometimes it makes me feel so wasteful and spoiled, but its true. More practically, as far as her sheets and stuff that were neutral go, she is still using it!
          2. "Ah, but you did have a boy before that girl!" you might say, and that would be true, but that was SIX YEARS ago. It freaks me out to realize this, my sweet boy is about to be six years old. His crib, car seat, diaper bags, monitor and bedding, to name a few things off the top of my head, are all either worn to pieces, expired or recalled. And since he was born we have moved twice, one of those times to a different town entirely, so I only kept what I was sure I would use later.
     So I conclude that I "need" some baby stuff. As I see it there are three main categories for the things on the registry. Will need soon, need, and would be really nice.
     The will need soon things straddle the line between need and "need" because they will eventually graduate from one to the other as the child gets older. For instance, I can easily get an infant carrier that will last about the first year but baby girl will not be out of her car seat by then and that leaves us one short. Now that is not a pressing concern at this moment due to the deadline for dealing with that being about a year away. So it is a "Will need soon".
     Some of the things we must get are non-negotiable for example the fact that our car will not even hold three children safely is a big deal. That is something that we realized early on and have a plan for, not to mention you can't put cars on a registry. Also in this category, clothing. Leaving your child naked for all occasions is frowned upon, even if they are a summer baby, and I have no boy or girl clothing in sizes smaller than 12 months. I am pretty sure that he won't be that big when he is born, though I do have nightmares like that. These are really the true "needs".
     Other things, and in reality, the majority, are sheer luxury like a double stroller, or crib sheets, or a new diaper bag. I could do more laundry and not really need extra sheets and blankets beyond what we already have. I don't have to be able to strap my two year old down, load the immeasurable amounts of things we carry with us everywhere, and not destroy what is left of my spine when we go places, but it would sure take a lot of the stress off to have that option. We don't have to have a monitor in the older children's room, but it sure makes it easier to figure out if someone in there is truly dying, puking, or jumping on the others head in the middle of the night to be able to check that from our room.  I don't really need a new large, handy, put all the kids items in one place, not too girly for my husband to carry diaper bag but getting three wiggling, shoe removing after you put them on, whining, maybe even crying, escaping children in and out of the house, or any other place, would be so much simpler if I had one.
     So many wants, for that is what they really are when I put the correct label on them. And as I look over my list I am struck by how amazingly blessed we are to already have so much, to truly need so little, and to have access to things that are here purely to make life simpler or more convenient. And in those moments I feel so content and humbled by what God has given us.
     Those are beautiful, happy, golden moments in the sunshine when my children are either playing quietly or sleeping peacefully. I set aside my list, my worries, my fears and face the future at peace with my ability to make do with the plethora of things I already have.
     But then, as someone snatches a toy, falls in the mud, or leaps from the arm of the sofa, or, perhaps, as I step on a lego, carry a screaming child out of a store, or haul our belongings into the house from the car, I realize that I am adding a child to our lives. This is not a different song, same tune, repeat as necessary situation. I will have THREE children and one of them will be a no sleep, can't nap because of the older kids, pooping, spitting up, double the laundry alone, can't put me down, newborn...
Maybe some luxuries are a good idea.

Second Child-ed

     I said these words the other day and as they came out of my mouth I realized I had arrived some where new...

His "hugs" might get her
before the legos do.

     For background here is the whole conversation:
     My sweet boy about his not yet two year old sister: "Mom she's putting my legos in her mouth!"
     Me: "Okay, call me if she chokes on them."
     I didn't even pause to think. I didn't hesitate for a moment, consider setting down the spoon I was stirring with and going to intervene. I didn't even flinch as I said it. I totally second child-ed it.

     To be honest, before Christmas, which is when the number of non-duplo sized legos in my house increased by a factor of 10, this would have incited panic in me. 'She is going to choke and die' I would say to myself and rush to her "aid", but earlier that day I had watched that little girl repeatedly put legos in her mouth and spit them out in order to annoy her overwrought big brother. So by the time I am standing at the stove trying to get dinner made so that I can put them all to bed my panic button was broken...

     ...at least on that subject.

A Christmas addition to our
"real" size lego collection

     You probably know what I mean by "second child-ed it", it's when you put the pacifier in your mouth to "sanitize" it, it's when you don't make everyone who comes in contact with your newborn douse themselves in hand-sanitizer because what's the point when your three year old lets them suck his thumb, it's when you are relieved to see that the food that they are eating off the floor is at least from that day, it's when they eat dirt and you don't flinch, just wipe the evidence off their face before grandma comes over, it's when they crash into something and it looks and sounds like it should hurt but since no one is crying you don't even pause the conversation you are having.

Hey, she's getting food, right?

     You run at the tears of the first child, sweep them into your arms, and search all over for all possible "boo-boos" all the while asking if they are hurt, but the second child you call to you, give them a kiss, a once over for blood, and send them on their way.

Yes, that is a tomato my
second child is eating like an
apple. Saves on dishes.

   


     It is a gradual change and every parent has their hang up from the first that they just can't relax on, some more than others, and that is just fine. But one day, when you least expect it, you look up and realize that you have more broken panic buttons than live ones.

     This is how you know your ready for kid number three.

Traditions of the Best Kind

Daniel and I have now been married for about eight years and there are consistencies that are beginning to emerge in the way we celebrate certain events. In other words, we are developing little traditions within our new little family unit.

   

Every night when we put our babies to bed we have a very clear routine that I feel counts as a tradition. We have two books, a song, a prayer and then hugs and kisses, and bed time feels off if any part of these are missing.
     When I turned twenty-one my parents got me a charm bracelet and I am very careful to mark all the momentous occasions by getting a charm to commemorate the accomplishment or big event. Daniel has been sweet enough to fully support these occasions.
     On our honeymoon Daniel and I bought a copy of The Polar Express, for our five year anniversary we bought Jumanji. We don't know what we will get in two years when we reach tenth anniversary but we will be getting something.
  

Don't you wish it was your
birthday?

     Some friends of ours let their children choose their favorite breakfast for the morning of their birthday. I love this idea and decided to put it in to practice this year so my sweet boy got to have homemade cinnamon rolls for his breakfast. I don't really know how to ask baby girl what she wants, she is little enough that all things mentioned are the most exciting at the time, so I think that I will just recycle brothers choice since she seemed to really enjoy that.

     Another tradition that is growing as our family does are the stackable rings that my husband gets me for each child. When I couldn't wear my wedding ring with our first child he took me out to find a substitute that I would be able to wear on my right hand after our baby was born. When I saw the James Avery set of rings I knew we have a tradition in the making.

     My boy got the one with the hearts because I couldn't believe how fiercely I loved him, from the moment I knew he was there, before the first sonogram, before I could feel him, before there was any outward sign other than the positive on a pregnancy test, I loved him and would give my life for him. Baby girl got the doves because she brought such a sweet peace to my life even before she was born. She had a gentle spirit from the first, every twitch, every wiggle seemed full of joy and affection. Even as a toddler she tries to comfort and care for her big brother.

      And Baby Barcroft the Third got the crosses because I thought for sure I had lost him a few weeks ago. We went to the ER showing all the signs of a miscarriage and I didn't dare to hope. When I heard that beautiful heartbeat on the sonogram it felt like God had given my baby back to me. The crosses will always make me think of that beautiful moment when I learned that not only was my baby alive, but it was healthy, and at the moment safe.

     Traditions add a security and a cozy comfort to life. They are things that we can rely on and look forward to in spite of all that is changing around us. And often when we find them gone there is quite a hole left in our life. The traditions that are springing up in our family are ones that I am very proud of and I look forward to seeing the ones that will develop in the years to come.

30 Amazing Blessings In My Life

1. My husband who works so hard so that I can be home
2. My children who are beautiful, healthy, happy and amazing
3. My lovely home that I fit in and like
4. My MOPS group
5. My back patio
6. My in laws
7. My family
8. The hand and foot group that I miss dearly and who always are happy to see me
9. The fact that I know how to cook
10. Being able to read
11. Having the luxury of eating out when supper falls through
12. Having so many people who love me so much
13. Being able to borrow maternity clothes from people with good taste in clothes
14. Oakridge C of C
15. Hillcrest C of C
16. Pleasant Ridge C of C
17. The village who helped raise me (you know who you are)
18. My amazing grandparents (related or not)
19. A good sense for a bargain
20. A freezer in the garage
21. The sweet harmonies of the people sitting around me in church
22. My children kissing each other goodnight
23. My sister sending me videos of my nephews
24. Starbucks just as often as I need it and not more
25. K11
26. Friends showing up with Dr Pepper on a bad day
27. The Cabin
28. Occasional evenings out with the ladies
29. Netflix (you know it truly is a great blessing)
30. The ability to find joy in the things around me and the people who encourage me to look for it

30 Words People Use to Describe Me

I posted a question on Facebook last month asking "Please tell me one word you would use to describe me..." Here are the words people gave me.

1. Saucy
2. Smart
3. Wholehearted
4. Maternal
5. Kind
6. Sister
7. Intelligent
8. Frugal
9. Devious
10. Ambitious
11. Hilarious
12. Special
13. Fun
14. Loved
15. Genuine
16. Hospitable
17. Kindred Spirit
18. Indubitable
19. Thoughtful
20. Patient
21. Resourceful
22. Loving
23. Inviting
24. Mad as a Hatter
25. Encouraging
26. Humble
27. Kind
28. Generous
29. Nurturing
30. Compassionate

30 Questions For God

1. Why did you take my babies?
2. Why did you choose to bless me with the wonderful man I married?
3. Why are my parents divorced?
4. Why is it so hard to focus on you sometimes?
5. What happened to the dinosaurs?
6. What does it feel like to create?
7. Why are we so important to you?
8. What is the center of the earth like?
9. Why did you make us?
10. How do you see time?
11. What will the new heaven and the new earth be like?
12. Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
13. How do I know I'm doing the right thing?
14. Do you love me?
15. Will it all be better some day?
16. Explain the prophets to me?
17. Why did you choose those men for your visions?
18. Why do you use such awful people to fulfill your plans?
19. What was Abraham really like?
20. Why did you create woman?
21. Do you pay attention to all the minute details of our lives?
22. What was it like to walk with Jesus?
23. What was he like as a child?
24. Will my children love you as much as I do?
25. What made you choose Peter?
26. Why did you give us the creation story?
27. Who is Melchizadek?
28. Why was he important?
29. Will I get to meet all my children someday?
30. Explain the Holy Spirit?

These are listed in the order that I thought them, unedited. It is a spastic list and sometimes I would come to a question that was bigger than the words that I have to express it and I had to wrap it up in what may seem like an odd package. I think more than any of the lists that I have made this one is truly for me. It was strangely freeing to get them out there, and it was comforting to ask some of the ones that I feel like I have answers to but need to hear again. I believe that when the time comes to ask my questions of God, I will find that all the questions that I could think of in this earthly body won't matter any more, but, more importantly, I have found that some of them were answered just in the asking.