Vacation of a Lifetime

This last week I got to go on vacation. Real vacation. In fact every member of my family, except perhaps baby girl, got the vacation they dream of. How was this accomplished, you might ask? Don't worry, I will tell you.

Well, first of all Daniel is a homebody who loves his personal time. Me and the kids being gone is a wonderful vacation as long as I leave enough Ritz crackers and cheese in the house. He had guy time with one of his friends, he worked on his comic strip, he played some banjo, he read some Peanuts, watched Darkwing Duck and Doctor Who. Who could ask for more? Not Daniel! After a week he said he was very ready to see all of us, but I think he really had just gotten tired of his own cooking though he got a friend of ours to take him out to lunch on Sunday. I think she felt sorry for him. He played it up and said it was due to his amazing bow tie. Can't argue with that.

"You can't deny the tie!"- Daniel

I took my sweet kiddos and headed toward the big city where Daniel's parents live. The kids were going to be staying there for 5 days (!) while I headed out. This is the vacation that Nathan has always dreamed of. They went to the zoo, saw great grandparents, got to hang out with awesome older second cousins that he thinks hung the moon, all that with a dab of grandparent spoiling through out. He loved it!

The zoo!

This was the first time that I had left baby girl and I wasn't as sure how she would do. I suspected that as long as big brother (bra-bra as she puts it) was there she would do all right and she did. She got to skip naps, pick out a toy in the zoo gift shop and sit in grand-mom's lap for every meal. As long as brother was with her she was good to go.

 I spent the night there, at my in-laws, and had plans with my childhood best friend, who I haven't caught up with for almost 15 years (I can't believe I can say that!), to head out for New Mexico the next afternoon. Well the adventures of the next day took their own post to explain so to make a long story short car trouble ate Wednesday and I had to try to head out again on Thursday morning. Thursday was uneventful, thank the Lord!

Hello Sangre de Christo! I love these mountains.

Falisha and I got up to the camp near our cabin just in time for closing campfire for the session that we always attended.

"not for passenger vehicles"

Since Falisha wasn't up for hiking, being pregnant is a very valid excuse, we went on some driving tours. We drove up to Johnson Mesa with no trouble since we weren't in my little red car. The view was amazing. There are no words to describe it so it is a good thing I took pictures.

Looking out from the mesa one way

Looking out from the mesa the other way

Roughing it, no table.

We even took a trip to Porvenir Canyon and "camped out" by the creek to eat lunch for old time sake. It was so peaceful to just sit by the creek, listening to it running over a little fall just up stream. Beautiful!

The weather there was beautiful. It may be hard to read but according to this the temperature at the time of this picture was 55 degrees! It was glorious! I had to buy a coat... in August! It was lovely to just sit on the porch, curled up with a good book, enjoying the sights and smells of afternoon. We spent a lot of time on the porch just taking all the beauty in, and maybe a tiny bit of napping.

We took a small walk along the creek. There is a path there that is very aptly named Rippling Falls Trail. It meanders next to the creek, crossing it now and then, typically with a quaint bridge or a series of stepping stones.

We even managed to experience some of the wild life. Squirrels, humming birds, deer to mention a few, and, thankfully no bears or cougars.

It was designed to look like
Thomas Jefferson's home.

We stepped into the nearest town and took a bit of a tour. This picture is of a Carnegie library. It is situated in a beautiful park and offered free wifi. I took a barefoot walk in the grass!









On the way back we got to watch this amazing storm blow in across the mountains. Just moments after we took this picture the storm blew over us.

It is so cool it almost looks fake.

I missed my family very much and there were times that my heart ached for my beautiful children's faces but I may not get a moment to recharge like this for a long time. I feel like the peace of these moments will last me a long time. And if Momma is happy everyone is a little happier, its just true.

Beautiful Fingerprints in a Crazy World

Oh, the best laid plans...

      Initially I was going on this trip with several of my best girl friends because we were all turning 30 during the same year.
      Initially this trip was narrowed to five people who had set aside the time and money to get "out of Dodge" and head for the mountains during the hottest part of the year and relax.
     "No kids, now boys" I said on the Facebook event.

Like this is all I took, ha!

     We had a menu, we had the mileage and gas all worked out, the sleeping arrangements were settled, everything was figured out, I was halfway packed, in my head at least. At the beginning of the summer I was supposed to be making two trips to the cabin this year and when the first fell through I just didn't worry because I was going with the ladies in August, my favorite time of the year up in the mountains. And then it happened...

     Incident 1- One of the ladies got an amazing job interview that was only possible in the days that we were going to be gone. One down.

     Incident 2- My best friend got a job in a new school district (yea for her!) so her new teacher training was in the middle of our vacation. We tried to reschedule but due to the fact they she was moving the next weekend she just couldn't make it work. Two down.

     Incident 3- One of the other ladies had a major car break down and just couldn't justify the trip with the major car repair looming on the financial horizon. That makes three strikes, your out.

     With all this, we decided, as a group, to cancel the event and try some other weekend as well as staying closer to home. But I wasn't giving up on spending my week in the mountains. I made sure my bestie from childhood, Falisha, was still up for it, we altered our plans slightly to fit our schedules the best, and we were ready to head out.

     Incident 4- Well this is where things got interesting. About 11:00 am we hop in the car and drive to a nearby town to pick up somethings we need. This put us back about an hour but we grabbed lunch too and got ready to head on our way. This is when I receive a phone call informing me that I had dropped my debit card last night and that it had been turned into my bank (thank the Lord!). I cancelled the card and decided to head on my way since I had the money for my trip in cash. I called Daniel and told him about the card and he agreed, I should just head on.

     Incident 5- We hit the highway and things were going great, we were talking, catching up, everything is fantastic! Then the car starts to slow down. I pull over, not too worried because something similar had happened about two months earlier but we could find nothing wrong after a few moments. We had no similar  trouble since that one incident. We gave the car a few minutes, called our husbands, and then tried to set out again. The car was no better. This is when I started to get a bit nervous. You see, Falisha is pregnant and it was really getting warm outside. And by really warm I mean that we had passed 100 degrees long ago.

See? Its fine. Right?

     Incident 6- I pull over again and we look at the engine, just to see if it was on fire, or something equally obvious. And then I call Adam, who is way more mechanically inclined than I have ever even dreamed of being, to see if he could offer advice or maybe help somehow. While we talked to him I tried to head to the nearest auto parts store so that...
     1) I would be closer to civilization,
     2) I might could get a part or something if I needed it, and
     3) Maybe someone there might know what was going on.
After Falisha mapped it we found that the nearest store was only 20 miles away, this is the point where I looked at the speedometer and realized we would be there in... about an hour. Adam suggests that I check the transmission fluid level to rule that out. That was its own adventure. Not the problem, so he says that he will head our way when he gets off work in about an hour.

     Incident 7- So after putting along for a few more miles I notice that the engine is getting hotter. I pull over as soon as I can and we end up at a picnic area, still in the middle of no where Texas, but that's better than making the problem worse by over heating the car. We send Adam as close an approximation of our location as we can, which was also a mini adventure, and I described what the car was doing to a coworker of his that was a mechanic. This gave him a pretty good idea of what he thought the problem was so then we just had to wait.

     Incident 8- A few moments later we realized all we had to drink between us was half a large cup of water, which I gave to the prego lady, of course. We ask Adam to bring us some water when he comes and figure we will be fine until then. And we sit... and it gets hotter. Then we get a phone call saying that my mechanic would be later than he thought, and since he was our source of more water I began to look for other solutions. It was 105 degrees out there and I was getting worried about Falisha being in that heat with no water. I look down the road and see a tall sign that indicates either there is a gas station at the nearest exit or there was a gas station there. I can't tell from where we are standing how good my odds are. It's about 3/4 a mile down the road which is no small feat in this heat.

What kind of a face do you
make in a hitch hiking
selfie? I was just hoping
it wasn't the last picture
of me on earth.

     Incident 9- So I head out for the gas station, walking on the narrow strip that counts a the "shoulder" in these parts. Some kind of weird grasshoppers keep flying at me. To avoid them I would have to be on the highway its self. About a 1/4 of a mile down the road an 18-wheeler loses some of its tire and sprays the shoulder just in from of me with high velocity rubber bits but I took a deep breath, began to pray, and kept going. I began to notice several armadillo bits over a long stretch of the road and at first I thought "Wow, there are a bunch of those around here" then it occurred to me that getting hit at 75 mph might spread an armadillo over 1/2 a mile. Ugggg!

     Incident 10- About this point I reach the exit ramp, that leads to the bridge, that I have to cross to get to the gas station, that I am praying is there. And here is where the old Cadillac exits, stops, and backs towards me. I am trying to figure out how I am going to tell who ever is in this car that I would prefer to walk than be murdered by a stranger when I come level with the window. The voice of a older man says, "You nee' a ride? It' too hot to be walkin' out here." The gruff Texas accent and the fact that I think that I could either take this old man or break off his car door leads me to accept his offer. He takes me to the gas station (which does exist!) and then back to Falisha, who was starting to really feel the effects of the heat and minor dehydration.

     Falisha told me she was praying that the next car that came along would have someone in it who would give her some water and was working up the courage to just walk up to the next car and ask when an old Cadillac pulls up and I hop out with 4 liters of ice cold water and a bag of ice! The Lord will provide!

     Adam arrives about 20 min later, bringing more water and a DP (for me), and saves the day by taking my entire exhaust system apart, putting it back together, and managing to bust up my catalytic converter, which was clogged, just enough to get it to drive to a mechanic in the area that I know and trust. It only takes him two hours to do all that. I think he is amazing! He follows us part of the way home and my friends hubby meets us a little further down the road and follows us the rest of the way. We drop off the car and pick up Pa's (my dad) truck to try again tomorrow.

     As I am trying to process the day I begin to wonder if this trip is an exercise in futility or a test of my perseverance, patience, and faith in God. As I tell my Dad about the day he points out how much worse it could have been. I know he is right but I feel to salt/sweat encrusted to really take it in. I headed for my in-laws house to get a good nights sleep. I was looking forward to one last kiss from my kiddos before we attempt round two in the morning  but I was feeling pretty grumpy. Just when I was the most discouraged I got the sweetest text from Falisha. It reads:
          "Let's not get discouraged about today. I think we will be okay. Tomorrow is a new blessing. :) I can't wait to travel with you!" 
   

All in one piece!

     I almost cried, well, I would have if there had been any water in my body to cry. It was just what I needed to hear. When I look back at that adventure...
          ...spending 5 hours, on the hottest day of the year, sitting outside with a pregnant woman, hiking up the highway, hitch hiking with a random old man...
     ...in all of the craziness I find Gods fingerprints. Not just the incident with the water, the fact that we were still so close to home, the fact that we made it to an exit with shade, the fact that a clogged catalytic converter was my only problem so I could get it back into town, all these things remind me:
    "Look to the Lord for help in everything that you do and you will be successful" Proverbs 16:3.

This is totally worth every
minute of that day.

     Well, we made it to the mountains, the next day, in one piece, without further incident, and it was as lovely, and peaceful, and as beautiful a vacation as I could have ever asked for.
      I tell you all this not to complain about that crazy day, though I have done some of that, but to encourage you to look at your crazy days for those beautiful fingerprints. Sometimes they are the amazing timing of a friends text, sometimes they are your insane hitch hiking friend hopping out of a Cadillac with bottles of water, whichever it is, be aware of the tiny miracles that make up life.

Parenting Fail 101- Parents of the Bible

     So we are called to be godly parents, right?
     And we are told to discipline our children lovingly and because we love them, in Proverbs and Ephesians for example?
    And we are told to share our faith with them, and that command starts in Genesis and goes throughout the bible. Not teaching the children about God was a fault even pointed out by the prophets. So putting faith in the lives of our children is a noble, righteous calling, right?

     But when we look for examples of godly parents it seems we are a little short, at least in comparison to the horrible parents. There is Ruth, who we can guess did the right thing because a few generations down the line you have Jesse who raised the man after Gods own heart. And you have Hannah, but all we really know is that she gave her son to God. And Saul managed to raise some alright kids, Michal and Jonathan, who were both crazy about David in spite of his claim to their fathers throne, not that it makes much sense that Saul would be a well spring of parental guidance. And there is Job, the loving father who would make sacrifices for his children just in case one of them accidentally sinned and forgot. He is my favorite because he left his daughters an inheritance, smart guy. And do not forget the line of godly women that raised Timothy. After that no glaring examples come to my mind.

    And even in those stories the parent parts were a side note, and the story was really about something else entirely. Nowhere in the bible do you see the story of the great parents who raised their kids to walk with God, end of story, everybody is so happy! But isn't that what we want in our churches, in our deacons and elders, especially?  That is what we are told to look for in an elder, Titus 1:6, a man whose children are not wild and disobedient. David wouldn't have been welcomed as an elder in the church. Absalom was both wild and wildly disobedient, and he was just rude.

     Most of the parents in the bible failed miserably, for example, in no special order: Gideon, Lot, Samson's folks, that lady who ate her son, David, Solomon, Hezekiah, and Eli, to mention a few, were all what we would call rather colossal failures by most standards. Also all the Patriarchs, except Joseph, we just don't know about his kids in detail so I guess it wasn't too exciting in a fratricide sort of a way like all the guys before him. I don't want to even count the number of times it is mentioned that a brother took out one or more of his siblings. If we know something about a family line, it is brutal and bloody.

     Is it that the good stories just don't get passed on? Happy is boring? Or does being called to greatness by God supersede your family? Or are we just seeing the acts of great men and women who's parents did something right? (Except Jonathan, he must have been raised by his grandfather or something because he was a way better guy than his father, but not good enough to be chosen by God to lead his people, though in all fairness that chance was taken from him because of his fathers pride. That whole story is totally an example of the sins of the father stuff if you ask me, which no one did.)

     It made me wonder, what do I pray for myself and my kids? That may sound crazy, but I want my children to have it all, chosen by God, led by his purpose alone, and a totally awesome godly parent instilling their faith in the next generation, but I just got to thinking and wondering, can you really have it all?

     I think I may be putting too much power in the hands of parents. The choice to be a person of God belongs to you alone. Maybe Eli could have done more to shape his sons but in the end they were the ones who chose to turn their backs on God.

We are each responsible for our own faith. I can not make the choice to accept Christ for my children. I can just hope and pray, daily, that they do. Which answers my question, I should just pray that they accept Christ and leave the rest up to him, not that it is anywhere but my own mind that I could do anything else. Alas, it is so human to have to spend a night and long blog post to come to the most obvious answer possible, trust in him, "He will never leave you nor forsake you."-Deut. 31:6b

How big?

     Some days I look at my big boy and wonder how he got so big, and capable of doing so much. He helps me out so much around the house and with his little sister. It seems like I look over at him suddenly he is bigger, taller, and doing new things before I can blink.

     He likes to help me cook but only as long as he gets to do part of it all by himself. He can be so focused on the task at hand but occasionally he gets overly excited and things get a bit messy. It is usually totally worth it. He listens to the recipe and asks me questions about the ingredients. Someday he will be a great cook, if he can get over this "I only eat fruit and bread, maybe pasta" stage.

     It won't be long before he can really help himself to somethings in the kitchen. He already can get his own snacks but he is really good about checking with me first which a really appreciate.

     Not only can he help cook but lately he has been helping clean up too. He often needs an incentive but once he gets going he really seems to enjoy it and he does a great job. I am so proud every time, it is nice to have same help and it really does speed up the job which, I must confess, really surprised me. I thought that supervising him would take as much work as his help relieved but instead the job goes so quickly and smooth I wonder how I ever did it without him. He does such a good job, I guess he has spent a few years watching me do it, or it could be those Barcroft cleaning genes that seemed to skip my husband but got to all his siblings.


     And finally there are the cognitive and creative leaps and bounds that he is taking. Every time I see a picture that he has drawn I am amazed at the detail and technique that he is picking up more of every day. And he is so close to reading! I can't wait until he can read, I know that he will love it! We work on writing our letters and knowing all their sounds. He does amazing work in the little workbooks that I have gotten him. And he seems to really enjoy the math and reading skills that they emphasize.

     But at night when I sneak into his room to pray for him, and I pull the covers up to his chin to tuck him in, I look at that face and remember the sweet baby I held in my arms, who loved to pat me on the cheek as he nursed, whose favorite pass time was balancing on the huge cookie tin I had, and whose first word, light, seemed to happen just yesterday.


   
     So I ask him, "How big are you?" and he stands up, stretches his arms out wide, and announces, "THIS BIG!!!!", but I know, he will always be my baby boy.

Because I Love You

My sweet boy issued his challenge loud and clear today and for the first time I feel like I looked at him and saw it for what it really was.

I have been reading lately, The Strong Willed Child, Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child, The Five Love Languages of Children, Grace Based Parenting, and How to Make Your Children Mind With Out Losing Yours, seeking a magic answer, and method I had missed, a technique I hadn't tried. I wanted an answer for my sons behavior. They are all great books with lots of ideas and insights and they all pointed me to one clear message about myself, not about my son. There is little about the practice of discipline that I don't already know, the idea is simple, the practice is hard. But when it comes to the heart of the whole matter I have been way off base.

I have been pulling out my hair trying to figure out why does he do this? Did I do something wrong? Am I ruining my son's childhood and guaranteeing long hard days ahead? Why can't he make this easier on all of us? What is the benefit to him? Does he actually like all this trouble? Why does he do this TO ME?

And there I have it. To me? This is not about me, and when I make it about me its no wonder he drives me crazy, it is about him wanting to know that I love him, about wanting to know that I love him enough to show him here are my limits and to be firm about it. Firm, not aggressive, not angry, not detached, just firm, and loving. This is not a personal vendetta against the woman who took away his toy car. This is not about any of the things that I was making in about in my head. So many of my fears and frustrations are in my head and there is no room for that when working with such an intelligent, persistent, strong will like my son. It would hurt my feelings that he would try the same thing over and over, and then I would get frustrated, and then I would not act like the mother I should be, the mother I want to be, the mother he needs me to be.

So today he sounded the challenge, I was tired, the baby had been sick yesterday, I was hurting, I was frustrated with how the day was going and we were all a bit stir crazy. It was the perfect storm for me to lose it. But I looked at him, and I saw something new. I felt sad, tired, frustrated, and there were moments that were not my best, but when I look over the day, as a whole, I am proud of myself. I was able to enjoy the happy moments and not brood over the last episode, able to accept the moments in between without feeling like I was walking on eggshells afraid that he would break out in a tantrum at any moment. Was I the peppy mom that I can be, not really, it was a really hard day. But in the end, when it was time for bed, I sang him his song, listened to his prayers, and hugged and kissed him as I tucked him in, and then he went to sleep knowing he was loved.
I saw a boy who wanted to know where is the line and how far will she go with it today, and I said all the way, my son, because I love you. And I pray that tomorrow, when, if, he states the same question, that my answer will be the same...

     ... all the way, my son, because I love you.

Those "Quiet Moments"

"I got you Momma!"

     Those quiet moments, so beautiful, so fleeting, when no one is screaming or grabbing at me or each other. No one is yelling from the bathroom or singing songs/nonsense at the top of their lungs. No one needs a drink of water, someone to play with, or a toy from the top shelf. No one is begging to be picked up so that they can climb down you in mere moments, and cry when they reach the floor. The kids are out of sight, and a potentially deadly, but alluring, silence fills the home. These are the moments where I, often with my cup of coffee, huddle in a corner of the couch, half in awe, half in fear, as the precious seconds tick by, wondering which type of "Quiet Moment" I am experiencing and how it will end.

Here is a small sample of my Moments:

     Sometimes these moments occur because the kids are having fun together, the "Happy Family" moment, as I like to call it, and any second there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth over some wrong, real or imagined. Baby Girl cries, and I have to spend several minutes interrogating Brother to find out what really happened, or Brother comes running in because the baby is in the process of eating his favorite drawing, and my moment will end with a bang but it was so sweet while it lasted.

We can go from this...

... to this in a matter of seconds

   

Dirt and a stick, what
more could you ask for?

     Sometimes, they are just occupied in their own pursuits, playing with sidewalk chalk, digging through the toy basket, or, my favorite, looking at books. The "Everyone is Busy" moment.  Usually the kids wander in and out, one by one, never making eye contact, just doing their own thing. As gradually as the moment was achieved it is lost, usually by someone realizing that you are not occupied and are available for accousting.

  This one is rare and I never realize it's happened until it's over. If you make the mistake of checking on them during one of these moments, and they see you, it will be instantly over.

They are so cute when they are
asleep.

  The best, and most secure, moment is the "Everyone is Asleep" moment. Since my sweet boy has out grown a constant nap time, this one is becoming even more unlikely than the "Everyone is Busy" moment.

"Mom! I put gel in my hair!
All by my self!"

     And then there is the "We Are Up To No Good" moments. These are the ones that make me jumpy during all the other, more benign, moments. These are the moments when they come in covered in permanent marker, or Vaseline, or something less identifiable and far more sinister, or you find your favorite thing dismembered in some corner somewhere hours later, or you realize they have been eating chalk when they throw up something very oddly colored on a friend later that night, or... the list of personal anecdotes goes on much longer than it should.
     The quote, "Silence is golden, unless you have a toddler, then it is just suspicious." is quite appropriate for these moments.

     So you have to decide, carefully weighing your options, how much do I need this moment, and what is it worth losing? Some days, days when I expect company, I am constantly checking up on them, making sure that there are no impending disasters. Other days I am cautiously optimistic but try to keep my finger on the pulse of the moment by listening for warning signs and sneaking around to see what is going on without being spotted. And then there are those days where you lock yourself in the bathroom just to have a moment, any moment, or as I call it, an "As Long As They Don't Burn Down the House" moment.

     Sometimes silence is just golden, no matter how suspicious.

Travel: The early years

When my son was little we were going through a phase that I call "the broke phase". I wanted to be a stay at home mom but that meant that our income was cut in half...and then cut in half again. It was one of the most difficult and joyous times of Daniel and I's lives. But the part of this that is relevant to this topic is that travel was a luxury, like internet and four door cars. We didn't travel with our one year old son and now that my daughter is weaned and summer is here we have some travel planned and I have found myself thinking, "How did we do this?", and realizing "Oh, we didn't". Second child and I have no idea how to manage the in the car eating or constantly stopping or diaper changes on the go. 

It all just makes me wonder if we have a third child what I will be surprised to discover I have never done. By the third you have it all worked out, no surprises, right?