Sisters Can Be Friends Too

I am always looking for ways to teach my children to play together but when one of them is literally half the size of the other, in height and weight, things can get dicey. There are moments when I have to leave them together and step out of the room, *gasp*, I know, but a girls gotta go potty once in a while. It is a 50/50 shot that things will go smoothly or that Finley will start wailing for an indeterminable reason. Nathan seems to be genuinely confused by these outbursts most of the time but I have seen that child leap for a train across the room and be totally unaware that he just kicked you full in the face so I am not often sympathetic to his bewilderment.

Not that he tries to be the perfect, model, brother all the time. I have seen the typical, pushing, trying to lift the baby, snatching toys and so on that results in wailing, and the not so typical, "Look mom, Finley is a horse!" meaning that he, my 35 lb child, is sitting on his 11 month old sister who is looking at me with a strained but patient look. On the other hand, to be totally fair to Nathan, I have seen him crouch patiently for long seconds (he is 4, seconds are an eternity) while I disentangle tiny baby fingers from hair that I would have sworn was too short for this.

"Go ahead mom, take a potty break, we got this."

When asked about his favorite playtime with Finley, Nathan says it's playing cars, and it often works well until we hit some denominational differences.

How Nathan plays with cars. Lining up for a race!

We have taught Nathan to tell other kids when they are messing up "his project", meaning whatever he is working on at the time. Finley is not even a year old and the phrase doesn't hold much meaning for her.

How Finley plays with cars. Nom nom!

I am trying to set up good habits that will be the "norm" in our house in terms of interaction and solving disputes but they aren't applicable yet because Finley is not capable of understanding those boundaries yet. So far Nathan has been very patient with Finley's limited understanding, and Daniel and I try hard to praise him for the moments when we see him doing just what we have asked even though it doesn't work in these situations. I keep holding my breath for the day we get a break down from Nathan because Finley destroyed something he had worked hours on, but, so far, his patience with her in this area ministers to me everyday showing me the true loving tolerance we should have for those who don't understand as we do.

Totally not allowed but I love these moments!

The most precious but volatile interaction between them happens in the car. In the back seat the other morning I asked Nathan to open Finley's toy phone for her. I hear "Can I have that Finley?" followed by a noise of protest from Finley which is a little strange because 'hand things to Nathan' is her favorite car game. Nathan responds calmly by saying, "Just a minuet Finley and I'll give it back." Once he opened the play phone and hands it back to her he sweetly says "See? I told you it would just be a second." That was a short car trip so nothing followed to mar that sweet moment but things don't always maintain that sweet overtone.
I look in the back seat to see Nathan reaching into Finley's seat which is against our rules in the car. I scold Nathan who tells me that he was placing his hand over there because Finley wanted to hold it. I take another quick glance into the back seat to see her tiny hand gently laid in his larger but still little hand and I melted into a big pile of mommy mush.


I think it lasted 5 more seconds before he grabbed her hand or she pinched his and there was yelling or shrieking of some type. I often find myself using the steering wheel as a stress ball in an effort to stay calm as Finley screams and Nathan yells back "Finley you're hurting my ears." at the top of his lungs. Why yelling this at her is supposed to help I don't know but at least it's moderately polite, if loud.

Say "Cheese" Finley!

Finley loves to be where brother is and what he is doing is always the best. In the mornings he loves to run into her room yelling "Good morning Finley!" and, if she was awake already, this always just makes her laugh and bang her hands on the side of the crib in absolute joy.

That is a foot pushing her up the slide.

But if she was asleep when he bursts in there is no consoling her as she weeps in bleary eyed bewilderment at the bouncing blur that just sprang into her room. And often Nathan's misguided attempts to "help" or "kiss" Finley end up really hurting her and he seems to feel little to no remorse at her tears. These moments tug at my heart and I find myself lecturing Nathan on how lucky he is to have Finley, how he need to always protect her, and how much she looks up to him... and so on, and on and on.

She thinks she is big stuff following brother up the slide.

I really just want Nathan to know that sisters are forever and God gave him this particular one for a purpose and those are both great reasons to treasure her. I just pray that one day it will sink in.