I dreamed I was talking to my Pa. We were sitting in those old office chairs that are smooth brown leather; the ones that are almost wider than they are tall with the studs around the edge and casters on the feet. He was behind me and I was turned around leaning over the back of my chair with my knees drawn up. We were just chatting about finances and I didn't agree with him but didn't say anything about it that wasn't important. He didn't look like Pa, but he did. He was smaller and his hair was white. He wasn't as gruff as I remember Pa being. We were just being together. The first thing I remember us saying was...

“It is nice to own a home.” I was a little wistful

“ Until you are on your way to the hardware store” He replied with a smile. I smiled too. “That is why me and your Grandma need to move somewhere smaller. Less to keep up with...” He talked about perhaps renting. He talked about a little grey house.

“I think she doesn't want to move because the house reminds her of you. She really misses you.”

“I know” he replied softly.

“I like going there because it reminds me of you. I miss you too.”

“I know.” He replied even softer.

He looked thoughtful and I could tell I was about to go. My mind kinda started racing thought all the conversations that I wish we had been able to have while he was here. There was so much that I wanted to talk to him about; to ask him about his life. “How did you come to know Christ?” I asked quickly as my dream faded. “Your Grandmother...” was all I got and then I was awake.

I have been crying ever since, when I think about it, when I talk about it. It has been 5 years since he died and longer than that since he was kinda gone due to Alzheimer's. He never forgot who I was when I saw him but I never really got past my sophomore year in high school for him even though I was out of college when he passed away. Somehow it is like loosing him all over again. I don't understand it at all. It was so real but not like I didn't know he was dead. It is just like I got a glimpse of him as he is now, where he is now, and got to take a moment with him. He wasn't sad, maybe wistful, and I wasn't sad until I woke up. It was like we were just hanging out on a sunny afternoon talking about whatever happened to come up. It wasn't like it would be if i saw Pa again it was like it should be.